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Welcome to my blog! Of course if we were visiting in person, I'd have the teapot out and we could sit and chat.
I'm honored you stopped by to listen to my thoughts and ponderings - and if you have a minute sometime, let me know you dropped by!

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Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Waiting Room

Sitting
  Alert
     Waiting for...

the moments pass
I breathe
In
Out.

Sometimes the
  Doing
     Preoccupies.

It fills the
    Spaces.

Perhaps
  Waiting
can be a gift.

Can I calm
  The restless
     Anxiety
of not controlling
   the next moments?

As I sit
    and wait
         and breathe.

Grace Wulff 2015

Friday, March 13, 2015

4 Years - A month of anniversaries, but cherishing Today

  It is always good to remember.  To think about anniversaries, the happy ones, and sad, to see where we have come from, and the lessons we have learned along the way.

  March has become a month of remembering.  Today, March 13, marks 4 years.  Four years since I woke up bewildered by unusual symptoms, and ending up in hospital with a heart attack of all things.  When I think about it, sometimes I am still surprised.

  Recently I went to a cardiologist, and requested all the tests... and I am doing well.  I am thankful for this.  And so thankful for this particular journey, where I've had to pay attention to my heart... both physical and emotional and spiritual.

  The other day my dad called and said... do you know what day this is?  I had not remembered.  Two years to the day that mama had entered hospice, our three month journey with her there before she left for heaven.  I've been thinking about her a lot, with another loved one close to heaven's gates, and he waits in the same hospice, in fact, in a room right across the hall.  And I remember.

 So do many of the hospice staff, actually, they remember my mom's bright smile, her gentle demeanor, her room full of flowers, her laugh that would waft down the hall.  Oh mama, I'd love to have a conversation with you right now...

  I had remembered my grandma's birthday, she was born on March 8, and has been in heaven for some decades now.  Grandma Annie always made it a big deal that we shared a birthday month, and I often think of her on her special day.

  And we remember Chris... my nephew, in heaven almost five years, a date we think about in March, this month of remembering.  Oh we think of him often, but I find these anniversary days bring up these memories, the sad, the good, the tender, and our emotions are engaged.

  In the midst of all of this, my own day of birth will flit by, and as I get older, the more I ponder, and wonder... and one of the biggest lessons I've been continuing learning is how to live in the present.

  Today IS a present, the sunshine, the birds I heard singing this morning, the smile of a child I handed a teddy bear to this morning in the hospital.

  And when I am overwhelmed with life I am learning to settle into what is precious about RIGHT NOW... to enter into the space where I find myself.

  Yesterday, it was in the company of my four-year old grandson who excitedly told me all about Spider-man, and then I had a great lesson on Lightening McQueen (Red Car I believe), and Mador, and I entered this fascinating world in this very serious discussion with him.  As we cuddled on the couch and read books, and I learned about his world, I was grateful to let the rest of my life drift away... for that moment.

  I remind myself of that when we sit by the hospice bed, and last night sang the old hymns, savoring the words, the deep meaning.  And it was good just to be there, and let it sink in.

  And this afternoon, I will have a cup of tea with my hubby, and soak in the March sunshine, and hopefully be able to just be.  It is not so easy for some women (maybe men too, I don't know), to focus on one thing, to enter into now.  Our busy minds are scattered and organizing everything from meal plans, to to do lists, to solving family crisis... and it is hard to just be still.

  We were laughing about that this week, my hubby and I as we listened to a comedian talk about these differences... and how many men are able to compartmentalize much better than women... in fact some of them even have a "nothing" box, something most women cannot even comprehend!!

  And there are some days where I long to escape to a "nothing" box, to shut it all off.  Yes, there will be seasons in life where there is much to digest, much to do, much to process.

  Oh, to learn to be still, to take a few minutes to pray, to notice nature, to give thanks.

  So in this month of anniversaries, I pause.  I enjoy this moment of sharing with my friends here on-line, to be able to write, and process, and express a thankful heart.